“You ain’t trying to get better, man.”

More than any other episode of the now lost Chocolate News videos–once uploaded to the Notre Dame Athletics YouTube page–this quote has always stuck with me. Louis Nix, the larger than life personality who was on campus from 2010-13, dubbed himself ‘Irish Chocolate’ and provided fans from all over the country an insight into his infectious personality with these treasure-trove videos.

In this particular video, Nix repeats the line a few times as tagging along teammates are trying to grab honey buns and other delicious but unhealthy snacks from a local supermarket. The line has been permanently lodged in my brain for the irony that no one struggled with their weight (officially listed at 350 pounds as a freshman and reportedly heavier than that at times) as much as Nix, but more importantly, no one at Notre Dame has been so publicly willing to share their struggles with getting better and making it for themselves.

Saturday evening, Jacksonville police found the car of the former Irish nose guard in a pond near his apartment and hours later confirmed that Nix had passed away at the age of 29 years old. As of this writing, there are precious few details being reported nor any cause of death.

The truth is Nix was a mini-legend before he even enrolled as the lineman would commit to Notre Dame after the firing of Charlie Weis and before the hiring of Brian Kelly. I recall an early interview with him in which he mentioned as a high schooler beginning to be recruited that he didn’t know anything about Notre Dame or where the school was located. As fans, we so often get caught up in legacies coming back home to the Irish, or recruits who have professed their love to Notre Dame since they were small, while wincing and second-guessing many other kids who may not fit in well on campus.

Naturally, Nix struggled in his freshman 2010 season while juggling the massive cultural change, schoolwork, and of course managing his size. However, it didn’t take long for us to find out that Nix’ personality was as big as anyone on the team, that he was carving out an identity on campus, and that he was going to be the future at his position in 2011.

On the field, Nix would not disappoint. Anchoring the middle of the defense as the War Daddy in Bob Diaco’s 3-4 scheme he would be the impenetrable force holding the group together and the key cog in keeping opponents away from star linebacker Manti Te’o on the Hawaiian’s run to a Heisman runner-up finish in 2012.

It’s fair to say that many remember Nix for his personality first but he was an absolute freak on the football field, too. Even at 330 or 340 pounds he was blessed with a shocking amount of athleticism. He had the ability to eat space and take on double teams as good as anyone in the country but still move like someone closer to 260 pounds. Plus, Nix absolutely hustled his ass off. The quintessential play from him in my mind is watching Nix tango with two offensive linemen and still run to the sidelines to be near a tackle with the linebackers.

Nix would switch to No. 1 as a redshirt junior in 2013 voluntarily giving up his No. 9 to incoming 5-star sensation Jaylon Smith. I choose to remember Nix in the No. 9 during his prime run with the Irish.

However, the personality of Irish Chocolate would begin to outweigh Louis Nix the player as he was criticized for being out of shape following the highs of 2012 which in retrospect seems unfair given the knee injury that kept him out of 5 of the last 6 games in 2013. Nix would be near his best in the defensive battle on October 19, 2013 in a win over USC but it would be his last major contribution to the program. The Irish would falter twice more later that season ultimately finishing 9-4, and coming off a National Championship Game appearance, it all felt like the wrong way for everything to end in this once happy era of football.

A series of knee injuries would cut Nix’ pro career short before it even began. A 3rd round pick (83rd) overall by Houston in the 2014 NFL Draft he was placed on Injured Reserve as a rookie and then waived by the Texans before the 2015 season. Over the next 3 seasons, Nix would be signed, cut, and waived by the New York Giants, Washington Football Team, and his hometown Jacksonville Jaguars while effectively being retired over the past 4 seasons.

When Nix left Notre Dame it was assumed that the affable big man would one day get into media and use his heart-warming and funny personality in a public career in front of cameras. However, not after long Nix’ social media would slow down as his professional football career floundered. For all the sunshine he gave to those around him this type of career where Notre Dame fans could continue being a part of Nix’ life didn’t work out exactly that way.

On December 8th, Nix survived a robbery attempt in Jacksonville as he was fixing a tire on his car. After a brief scare, he appeared to recover well but the bullet was still lodged in his lung and the incident was extremely serious even after leaving the hospital. Last night, Eric Hansen from the South Bend Tribune published an article with more details on the aftermath of this shooting with quotes from Nix:

“I went out shopping with my girl to get my mom a birthday gift, and it was crazy. You wouldn’t think you’d feel like that, but I was just paranoid being around people. People coming up from behind me, coming out of nowhere. I felt like I just needed to see everything, and it was kind of emotional in the moment. I didn’t think it’d be like this. My job (Cintas Corp.) is going to provide a therapist for me, and I’m open to talking about this issue. Hopefully, they’ll help me get past that point and learn how to deal with it, because at this point, I really don’t want to leave the house again.”

It’s incredibly sad. I don’t know if Nix was happy living back in Jacksonville or with his post-football career. He talked so much about ‘getting out’ of Jacksonville but was back living there as he was approaching his 30’s. In the beginning of Hansen’s article Nix asks if ‘he mattered’ in life beyond football and reading that brings me to tears. It forces us to grapple with the somber reality that getting into Notre Dame, playing football at a high level, graduating with your class, and showing the world such a bubbly personality isn’t necessarily a golden ticket to happiness and fulfillment after college.

Among early-era Brian Kelly players who have passed away recently, Nix joins Kona Schwenke, Greg Bryant, Taylor Dever and both George Atkinson III and Josh Atkinson. All gone way too early.

The death of Nix hurts so much precisely because we knew him so well and that he gave so much of his self while peeling back the curtain and showing his struggles and personal doubts throughout a promising career. With his humor in tow Nix was the most human Notre Dame player I can remember, someone who, despite his massive size was incredibly relatable to fans who would never be given his physical gifts but who could nonetheless understand the difficulties trying to carve out a better life for themselves and their family.

Rest in Peace, Louis.