Earlier today, news came out that the Offensive Coordinator Formerly Known As Chip Long and Notre Dame mutually agreed to part ways.  Obviously this opens up an enormous vacancy for the Irish, who have a high-ranking offense.  I decided to take a look at some of the candidates for the job and believe that Notre Dame will ultimately settle on one of these candidates.  Regardless of which one it is, I will be super excited to see what he can do.

Tom Rees

Coach Tom (Tommy) Rees has been the Quarterbacks Coach for the Irish since 2017.  Formerly Brian Kelly’s First Full Time Quarterback, Coach Rees played for the Irish from 2010-13 and racked up over 7,000 passing yards and -130 rushing yards in his career to a tune of an almost 60% completion percentage and one absolutely awesome rushing touchdown against Michigan.  I think the Irish could do far worse than Coach Rees and he has done, in my opinion, a great job with the quarterbacks under his tutelage, most notably Ian Book.  Coach Rees also has the ability to claim on his resume that he has coached three different quarterbacks in a single season (this season) to passing touchdowns and appears to have a great working relationship with them from my expert social media-ing.  I think he is probably the favorite to get the job.

Tommy Rees

If the Irish pass on Coach Rees, I think that Tommy Rees would be a great backup plan.  Tommy Rees comes as a candidate from Chicago and is currently working for Deloitte and living in Bucktown.  Rees previously worked for KPMG and Epic Systems after graduating from Notre Dame’s five-year accounting program, also known as the “You’re going to get a job in Chicago that you’ll hate in a year but you can still laugh at the arts and letters majors” program. Rees possesses the business acumen and ability to pull long hours at both the office and the Cubby Bear, where he pretends to pay attention to the baseball game whenever there is one, and I have no doubt that he will be able to put in the hours necessary to get the Irish offense to succeed.

Tommy “The Stache Man” Rees

This is another candidate that I think is a good bet to get the job for the Irish.  Known as “The Stache Man” to his enemies, Rees is a walking example of patience after having waited six years in between shaves just to be able to take this photo, which is the only one known to exist in the known universe.  This is the kind of patience that he can impart towards the quarterbacks he may coach to stay in the pocket.  His ability to intimidate the men and leave the ladies swooning will no doubt be a benefit to the Irish offense for years to come.

Thomas Rees

Thomas Rees, or “Thomas Kevin Rees clean your room this instant” to his mother, is another dark horse candidate for the job.  Thomas is currently sitting as the sixth grade class treasurer for his junior high school class and his ability to multi-task his duties for the class and hold his neigborhood’s record for Fortnite shows a level of organization that would absolutely be a benefit to the Irish signal callers.  He may be on the young side, and his ability to recruit may be an issue, as the Irish will likely have to register his parents as boosters so that they can ferry both Thomas and potential recruits around on recruiting visits in the family crossover SUV, because everyone knows that the Rees family wants the sportiness of an SUV while also getting the functionality of a minivan.

Tommy Rees

Tommy comes with several years of experience but the coaching budget and training table would likely be taken over with orders for bags of Doritos, Taco Bell, and Dave Matthews Band CDs.  The biggest issue with him would likely be his stamina and ability to focus but he has the raw talent that I think would make a good offensive coordinator.  This is a job that needs dedication 24/7 and as you can see from the photo above, Brian Kelly and the staff need Tenacious Tommy, not Tired Tommy.  I hope that I am proven wrong.

Tommy Rees

I know nothing about this guy but he looks the part.

Mini Tommy Rees and Tommy Rees

One of the most important things a team needs is chemistry.  What better chemistry is there than hiring a coaching candidate who literally has a mini-version of himself?  Tommy Rees is a experimental biological scientist and created Mini Tommy Rees as the first human clone of himself.  Despite having absolutely no football knowledge, I think he would still be a great candidate.  Having two guys on the staff who think alike and literally share the same DNA would help serve as an example to the rest of the offense of how they also should think alike and work as a single cohesive unit.

Thomas Rees

Thomas is a great candidate and would be a walking example for the rest of the staff and players.  He recently graduated from a military academy and survived a wilderness training exercise with the French Foreign Legion.  This is the type of candidate who has a lot of worldly experiences and has shown the ability to do whatever it takes.  I think he would be a good candidate and could impart good wisdom on the offense.

Tommy “The Tornado” Rees

Let’s be honest–we are seeing an offensive world where quarterbacks are the focal point of the offense are going to take some hits.  The Tornado, as he was known, is coming off an undercover assignment with the DEA as an undercover drug runner for a motorcycle gang in the southwestern USA.  His rugged durability is something that he could teach current and future QBs who are going to take a beating in and out of the pocket.

Tommy Rees

Tommy Rees, or “Blue Steel,” as he is known in the industry, is currently a male model for Abercrombie and Fitch.  His knowledge of the clothing college students and Europeans wear shows that he would be able to acclimate well with the offense.  Furthermore, his knowledge of the media and fashion industry would translate well to working with members of the Notre Dame offense who would likely be on every night game on ABC and ESPN and, for the 12 viewers out there, the ACC Network.

Junior Tommy Rees

Junior Tommy Rees is the son of current Notre Dame Quarterbacks Coach Tommy Rees and has been the recipient of all of the knowledge he possess.  If Notre Dame really wanted a seamless transition from Chip Long to the new offense, what better person to take over than the man who has directly worked under Notre Dame’s current Quarterback Whisperer?  I think he would be a good choice.

Conclusion

As I stated above, I think that any of these candidates will lead the Notre Dame offense to new heights and I am excited to see what direction the Irish go in when the hire is announced.