We close out our brief (right?) look at Notre Dame football’s all-time roster with a trifle, an exercise in pure entertainment, a lighter course to finish off our rich history meal. It’s time to have some fun sorting through the names on the Irish roster; with nearly 3,000 players to choose from, you just know there are some doozies in there. Without further ado, then…
The Blessed Ones
These guys just plain belonged at Our Lady’s University. Sure, some guys you’ve never heard of and some guys had, shall we say, uneven careers (looking at you, Dayne and Freddie), but these names wouldn’t fit on anyone’s roster as well as they did at Notre Dame.
Greg Bell (TB, 1980-1983)
Steve Belles (QB, 1986-1989)
Angelo Bertelli* (QB, 1941-1943)
Garron Bible (CB, 2001-2003)
Seraphine Bouwens (HB, 1897)
Durant Church (HB, 1904)
Sonny Church (G, 1934-1935)
Dayne Crist (QB, 2009-2011)
Jarrett Grace (LB, 2012-2015)
Jerome Heavens (FB, 1975-1978)
Andy Heck (OT, 1985-1988)
Freddie Parish IV (FS, 2003-2004)
Al Pope (E, 1969)
Stephen Pope (FS, 1992)
Anthony Salvador (LB, 2002-2005)
Elijah Shumate (S, 2012-2015)
Elijah Taylor (DT, 2015-)
*There were a bunch of Angelos, actually, but how could you not go with our first Heisman winner?
The Finer Things Club
These cultured gentlemen retire to the yacht club after practice, don their smoking jackets, and enjoy a nice glass of sherry and a pipe while they discuss what Buffy and Hunter are up to these days. Or at least that’s how I imagine it.
Ennio Arboit (HB, 1936-1937)
Virgil Bardash (T, 1950-1952)
Dezera Cartier (FB, 1889)
Thaddeus Cassidy (HB, 1938-1940)
Keenan Centlivre (WR, 2015-)
Ivory Covington (CB, 1994-1997)
Micah Dew-Treadway (DT, 2015-)
Cedric Figaro (LB, 1984-1987)
Alton Maiden (DT, 1993-1996)
Carlos Pierre-Antoine (LB, 1999-2002)
Avery Sebastian (SS, 2015-)
Durham Smythe (TE, 2013-)
Equanimeous St. Brown (WR, 2015-)
Charles Stafford (WR, 1992-1995)
Basil Stanley (RG, 1917)
Golden Tate (WR, 2007-2009)
Sweeney Tuck (RT, 1938)
Montgomery VanGorder (QB, 2015-)
Rufus Waldorf (HB, 1904-1906)
William David Williams (DB, 2007)
Perfect Football Names
I tried to stay away from the low-hanging fruit, like offensive linemen with Polish names. I picked this group because they each sound like they couldn’t have been anything but a football player.
Steve Armbruster (C, 1994)
Hercules Bereolos (G, 1939-1941)
Eddie Hornback (QB, 1979)
Grant Irons (DE, 1997-2001)
Mirko Jurkovic (OT, 1988-1991)
Bronko Nagurski Jr. (T, 1956-1958)
Torgus “Turk” Oaas (LG, 1910-1911)
Jerry Ransavage (LT, 1926-1928)
Knute Rockne (LE, 1910-1913)
Ulric Ruell (HB, 1908)
Allen Sack (E, 1964-1966)
Mike Shiner (OT, 1980-1983)
Jamoris Slaughter (S, 2009-2012)
Michael Stonebreaker (LB, 1986-1990)
Dutch Yeager (LE, 1915-1916)
Tom Zbikowski (SS, 2004-2007)
Ziggy Czarobski (C, 1942-1947)
Sophomoric Humor
OK, so… Well, I don’t have any legitimate defense for this one. I snickered like a fourth-grader at everyone of them, and that’s all the justification I needed. My apologies to the members of this list.
Leon Blunt (QB, 1994)
Bud Bonar (QB, 1933-1934)
Rod Bone (CB, 1979-1982)
Dick Boushka (CB, 1977-1980)
Frank Doody (QB, 1938-1940)
John Putzstuck* (OT, 1980-1981)
* Ouch.
The All-Nickname Team
As you might expect, this list skews a bit older. But man, are there some quality ones in there. Peaches Nadolney and Hoot King sound made-up.
Judge Carberry (E, 1920-1922)
Fod Cotton (T, 1920-1922)
Dippy Evans (HB, 1940-1942)
Smoush (RG, 1903-1905) and Smousherette (LG, 1906) Donovan
Thunder Flanigan (RT, 1917)
Cupid Glynn (TB, 1909)
Flash Gordon (DE, 1985-1988)
Hoot King (LT, 1913-1915)
Curly Lambeau (FB, 1918)
Bunny Larkin (QB, 1912-1914)
Minnie Mavraides (E, 1951-1953)
Bunny McCormick (HB, 1936-1937)
Rangy Miles (LE, 1918)
Moon Mullins (FB, 1927-1930)
Peaches Nadolney (LT, 1918)
Red Salmon (FB, 1900-1903)
Dinny Shay (FB, 1927-1929)
Corny Southall (FS, 1985-1988)
Rollo Stine (LT, 1917-1918)
Chile Walsh (RE, 1925-1927)
Names That Are Just Plain Fun
Carlo Calabrese (LB, 2010-2013) [I should keep an eye out for his people.]
Thomas Bemenderfer (C, 2007-2008) [Remember the Chuck Norris-style Bemenderfer meme?]
Gerry Cowhig (HB, 1942-1946)
Frank Epstein (G, 1950) [I can see Leahy telling him he wants those toilets to SPARKLE.]
Vagas Ferguson (HB, 1976-1979)
Art Funk (T, 1902-1905)
Hiawatha Francisco (TB, 1983-1986) [Possibly my favorite name on the entire historical roster.]
Joey Goodspeed (FB, 1996-1999)
Frank Hollendoner (T, 1937-1938)
Herman Hooten (DT, 1970-1971)
Bernie Livergood (FB, 1922-1924)
Karmeeleyah McGill (DE, 1989-1992)
Chinedum Ndukwe (WR/S, 2003-2006)
Emeka Nwankwo (DE, 2008-2010)
Bill Shakespeare (HB, 1933-1935)
Gasper Urban (LT, 1943-1947)
George Vlk (E, 1928-1930) [Bonus points for a last name with no vowels.]
Jim Winegardner (TE, 1966-1968) [Livergood and Winegardner belong together.]
Excellent, just the sort of thing I needed after 12+ hour day. Love it when you folks do this kind of stuff. Unrelated, 2 of my personal favorite names of all time I believe come from Maryland Basketball. Ansue Sesay, and Xray Hipp, and yes I am sure I massacred the spellings. Also I am to tired to google the correct spellings.
Glad you enjoyed it! Now get some rest!
Xray Hipp sounds like a Harry Potter character.
i was getting anxious as i read this list. It’s very good, but there was one name i was worried you would overlook. Of course, this name ended up in it’s proper category, i mean, how could it not. You are correct sir, Hiawatha Francisco is more than worthy of being an all time favorite. Although his brother D’Juan could have received an honorable mention.
The list I was working from is from ND, so you’d think it’s reliable, but I still cross checked Hiawatha – how could you not? What a fantastic name.
He and his brother are among the first players i remember. Montana and the Golics were probably the very first, but since i was born in ’73 it wasn’t until the early 80’s that i actually started paying attention to details beyond “they’re Notre Dame!”.
https://media.riffsy.com/images/3f82d9e197ae70d0b556da9abee7d1b4/raw
…that’s fun to say
Nooooooooooo it didn’t turn into a gif.
It needs to have an image extension (.gif, .jpg, .png) at the end or the code won’t realize that it’s an image. Because we here at 18S care for you like we do for our own children (roughly), I found a link to the same GIF that does end in the file extension.
Also, because Buddy is really funny.
So you found it and then…. ?
Did the same thing you did – pasted the link, only the link I used was from a different site and was formatted differently. The problem is how the link ends – yours wasn’t a direct link to the image file itself. Note the ending of the part that came after the domain name for both of them:
Yours: /images/3f82d9e197ae70d0b556da9abee7d1b4/raw
Mine: /files/2014/11/30/635529756704938167911675041_francisco%20elf.gif
Our site knows that links ending in common image file extensions, like .gif, .jpg, or .png, are direct links to images and will display the image in the comment.
Your link ended in /raw, which as far as our site is concerned is just another web address, which is why it converted it to a link and not a picture.
I could easily imagine a foreign exchange student mispronouncing Jonathon Bonner’s last name.
Ha – good call… I still can’t get over John Putzstuck. I mean, the poor guy – can you imagine being in middle school with that name? Kids are bad enough as it is.
I played dorm football with William David Williams for a year before he walked on to the team. Super nice guy.
Loved the “Biloxi Blues” reference. WTG, Brandon!!
Thanks! I’m glad someone got it!
I almost didn’t get it. Or, rather, I almost mistook it for another great WWII-latrine-cleanliness classic.